Op/Ed: Your marriage may not have been a success, but you can have a successful divorce

During or after a stressful financial divorce all we think about is money and who has the upper hand with custody.

Why is that?

Surely there must be a much bigger picture than just the family court trying to get the most money out of parent(s) or put them up against each other for a mentally drained nasty custody battle. It seems like the conflict between the parents is more important than the behavior or the mental health of the child.

How do you expect parents to really co-parent whenever the custody situation is not fair? How do you expect the child to be fair in life where their examples in the home are not fair?   

When the child sees a parent being manipulative, guess what, the child is going to grow up being manipulative like the parent(s) as well. When a child sees a parent(s) being dishonest just to gain control and the upper hand, guess what, the child is going to grow up being dishonest as well. 

A child should not feel depressed or have anxiety by getting caught up in their parents' conflicts which may cause the child to form an alliance with one parent over the other.  

Emotional behavior gets ignored in a child because parents just think that since they are little that they will be OK. But that is not always correct. 

Ignoring the signs of all mental health within the child whenever they are little could carry over into their adult lives.  Suicide attempts are at an all-time high with kids and personality disorders are causing long-term difficulties in functioning in society.  A child may go through a range of experiences like abandonment, abuse, or even having a mentally ill parent that can cause childhood trauma.   

Custody battles with leaving one parent with the upper hand could sometimes drive the other parent away feeling like it is just a lost cause. Losing connection with either of the child’s parents is an appetite for destruction leading to the child running away thinking it is their fault. 

Constant conflict between the two parents destroys communication and could destroy both sides of the child’s families that could even cause them to be biased.  A child having access to both their parents gives them a visual example of who they may become, and you cannot supplement the feeling whenever a child sees their parents. 

Family structure is so important to a child. The family structure shows examples of love and compassion that the child develops at an early age.  

Even though statistically it shows 37.6% of marriages in the United States ends up in divorce, Kentucky has shown success by being the first shared parenting state to help save the family structure with less divorce filings, domestic violence, and children excelling in everyday life.  

It is in everyone’s best interest to continue to work as a unit on family issues. You may not have had a successful marriage, but you can strive to have a successful divorce for the sake of mental health for your children. 

Jason Griffith is Christian, actor, entrepreneur and Kentuckys' chair for the National Parents Organization.